Jen’s Weblog

This blog is officially retired starting in 2012. Please follow me at my new blog, which is at http://ajourneyintohealth.blogspot.com/

Since I spent a lot of time and energy on improving my health in 2011 and love writing about my experiences, I decided this morning that in 2012, I would start a brand new blog, focused on health-related topics like nutrition, exercise, yoga and meditation. My goal is to publish one blog post per week. I hope those of you who enjoy my writing and Facebook posts will subscribe.

I love the idea of whatever “new beginnings” I can find, be it the start of a new day, week, month, or year. November starts tomorrow, and so is an experiment that I plan on doing to kick start my writing while being more yogic about the whole endeavor.

As some of you know, I’ve been trying to write a book in my spare time. I go in fits and spurts, and there’s more ideas in my head (and on post its, in binders, electronic files, hard copy notebooks, etc.) than I feel I will ever have time to develop while I’m busy living my life. Sometimes I get upset with myself for not putting aside more time to work on it, get resentful about things I need to do when I’d rather be writing, or annoyed when creativity happens at inopportune moments. Of course, none of those thoughts actually help me make progress on the book!

For awhile I was following the “Morning Pages” routine as recommended in The Artist’s Way. That was fine — I can churn out 3 random pages a day blindfolded. But that wasn’t necessarily helping me work toward my goal, so I stopped. At the same time I was feeling like well, if I couldn’t set aside at least an hour to work on the book, then I wasn’t really doing very much. So I’d wait until I had a chunk of time, get busy, and burn myself out in the process.

Enter the latest book I’m reading, called: “Living Your Yoga.” I’ll paraphrase one of the stories that’s pertinent to this post. A friend of the author mentioned that she meditated 5 minutes every day. Of course the author initially judged this as being inadequate. I could hear myself in her story: “What can you possibly do in 5 minutes? If you can’t do at least a half hour, then it doesn’t count!” But here’s the trick: the author’s friend meditated this 5 minutes CONSISTENTLY, and so the benefits of her practice were realized over time. And of course, the author practiced inconsistently because she couldn’t always set aside the half hour or hour every day. How much benefit do you think she got?

Combine this yogic advice with that of a writing instructor I recently took a class with, who also said that short stints every day are more motivating (because you stop before you want to!), and I have my experiment. Every day for the month of November, I’m going to find just 15 minutes to work on this book. During this time I will have no expectations. My only goal is the PROCESS of a little bit every day. I might even set a timer to ensure that.

I’m sure my Facebook friends are tired of hearing about my fall detox, but I figured I’d write up what I experienced (and more importantly, what I learned) for the masses. It was my first time doing a detox / cleanse kind of thing and yes, I would do it again.

First, why did I decide do this?

Yes, that’s the big question! There were several reasons (in relative order of importance):

• I felt like I needed to tweak my eating habits. I was starting to think that my high protein, low fat diet was robbing me of essential fats, and that the “low carb” aspect of my diet wasn’t really as low as I thought.
• I was tired of cravings controlling me. This is most likely related to the first point, but my increasing cravings for caffeine, chocolate, ice cream and martinis were starting to feel…well, just not right. Also, I typically didn’t drink anything non-alcoholic that didn’t have some kind of artificial sweetener in it, and I figured that just couldn’t be good. I needed to get myself unhooked from that stuff.
• I was still working with some of the “inner voices” of self- (and other-) criticism that are clearly my parents still controlling me like a puppet. I want to be my own person (whom I like); someone filled with love and joy, and I continue to struggle with “stuff” from my childhood.
• I had given up on most of my techniques for improving my sleep, since none of them had worked. Would a detox help me in that department?
• I still needed to work on slowing down, being more mindful in everything that I did, instead of packing my schedule full, rushing around, and then feeling resentful, angry and depleted.
• I liked that this program had real food, rather than just juices or straight up fasting. (I still needed to manage my hypoglycemia while detoxing, and this felt safe.) On a related note, I had been wanting to learn more about Ayurveda, and this was an Ayurveda Detox Yoga and Diet program so it would be a good opportunity for me to understand more about the system.

How did I prepare?

First I took the dosha quiz on the Yoga Journal web site, to see where I was currently imbalanced. I’ve taken these quizzes before, and generally I’m a pretty strong and almost equal mix of vata (air) and pitta (fire), with little kapha (earth and water). I was a bit surprised to see I was much stronger in pitta than I had remembered ever being, but then again summer is the “pitta season”, so that could be why.

Based on my results, I spent the Sunday before the detox shopping for ingredients I’d need to make tea and fall digestive kitchari (the staple food of the program), and picked up some other approved foods like organic apples, beets, broccoli, and avocados. Kevin suggested we try the new, expansive Waltham India Grocery to get a lot of the rice, beans, and spices / seasonings I would need. I also had to pick up a few more unfamiliar things from Whole Foods. We spent most of the afternoon making a large batch of the kitchari and the coriander chutney that went with it.

What were the seven days like?

Each day I was on the detox (from Monday until Sunday), I woke up at 5:30 am, took care of the cats, and drank a glass of room temperature water with some lemon juice. After I used my netti pot for nasal irrigation, I spent about 30 minutes doing a series of restorative yoga poses, with lots of props like straps, bolsters, and blankets. After that, I went upstairs to the bathroom and did a self-massage with oil (this is called “Abhyanga”). As the oil worked its magic, I used the time to sit in meditation before paper toweling off the excess, showering and getting ready for work. Breakfast was a bowl of kitchari with a little chutney and a cup of tea.  Sometimes I did some journaling if I had time before leaving, but not always.

When I drove to work, I tried not to let anyone else on the road “get to me”. I tried to drive at an even pace, and played one of my favorite albums, Nirvana Groove. When I got to work I put the kitchari, an avocado, and a baked red beet in the fridge, and left the apple and another mug of tea to come to room temperature. When I drank water, I tried to do it at room temperature, or hot. During work, I tried to stay relaxed and calm in the midst of whatever was occurring, recognizing that I was on a detox and that included a detox from stress. I could choose to get riled up about anything and everything, or not. I chose not. I usually ate the apple mid-morning, and then a half of the avocado with the kitchari for lunch, and a beet closer to the end of the day to hold me over until I got home. One other thing to mention about the food: eating started only after taking five deep, relaxing breaths, and it was (almost always) slow and mindful (even during meetings and while at my desk at work).

At the end of the work day I drove home the same way, took care of the cats, putzed around for a little bit, then sat down to another bowl of kitchari with a scoop of chutney for dinner. I sometimes drank more tea, or had a little steamed broccoli with salt too.  At 8:30 pm, I did the recommended yoga sequence provided by the Yoga Journal web site (these were usually about 30 minutes), and if there were any, also did a meditation (there were two). One or two days I did a five minue breathing exercise, which is intended to strengthen digestion (this is called “uddiyana bandha kriya”). Before going to sleep…and this will sound gross…I inhaled sesame seed oil up my nose (this is called “nasya”). Right before bed I usually read something from Michael Stone’s Inner Tradition of Yoga, or Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life. By 10 pm each day (including the weekend), lights were out.

The weekend added a potassium broth to the mix of foods and removed work from my activities, but other than that, it was the same as during the week.

Because I didn’t know how my body would react, I curtailed most of my usual activities. Other than the yoga sequences assigned each day, I didn’t do my typical “power yoga”. I also didn’t lift weights, run, or do any other strenuous cardio. I didn’t dance either. On Saturday and Sunday, I did end up going for a walk.

What did I enjoy about the detox?

• First, I was surprised and pleased when my husband voluntarily agreed to participate. Although he didn’t do everything I did, he did a lot more than I ever expected (especially for someone not into yoga or any of this stuff). I think it brought us much closer together.  It definitely improved our communication and quality time that we spent together.
• Being more appreciative of the food I was about to eat and being more mindful every time I ate. And, I was able to notice when I was not being as attentive as I would have liked before I inhaled my food! That, and eating less processed (and more natural) foods felt good.
• I temporarily suspended my crazy social calendar. (I would have done the same for work, but I already chose to save my vacation for other things.) Still, I was able to decide how to react to work things too, and was able to catch myself before I got too wound up about anything. I hardly turned on my home computer, though I still used my devices. I didn’t watch too much TV, and when I did, they were shows I never get to see (or had positive messages).
• I was often hungry, but never really shaky like withdrawal from sugar and carbs usually makes me feel. Also, I didn’t snack or eat anything too late into the evening, and going to bed on an empty stomach was probably a good thing.
• My sleep did improve somewhat, and I’ll take any improvements! I remember one night getting up in a total stupor and falling asleep right after using the restroom instead of fully waking up and then taking another 30 minutes to get back to sleep.
• I absolutely loved the tea for vata/pitta. It was simple to make: 1tsp each of fennel seed, cumin seed, and coriander seed in 1qt water — bring to a boil, then simmer for 15 minutes and add 1/2 tsp raw honey to each cup you drink.
• I generally felt calmer, more relaxed, and more centered throughout each day.
• I was able to finish two books that have been sitting around half read for months!
• Doing this with my husband was good, and we kept each other on track (especially when things got hard for either of us). I was also glad to find the Facebook page for this detox on Friday evening (hey, better late than never). It’s nice to have social support.

What did I / do I struggle with?

• There were moments where I could feel familiar habits trying to regain hold: either in the form of food cravings, my ego wanting to over think the past or the future, my mother’s critical voice talking in my head or out my mouth. There were times when I felt I was in a game of chess with myself (but I think that overall, I won)!
• Initially I wasn’t sure how much kitchari to be eating (the Yoga Journal instructions weren’t always that clear). And yes, after seven days, kitchari and plain water get old, even for someone like me, who normally eats the same thing most of the week. I’m sure there’s a way to do a detox with some more variety, but I haven’t looked into it yet. I can imagine that just giving up caffeine, sugars, processed foods, etc. is a very good start!
• I wanted to exercise and keep up more my activities (and at the same time, I’m glad I didn’t).  I let go of the “should’s”, though they did keep popping up.
• I missed seeing people I usually hang out with (either by going out dancing or going out to dinner). Resisting temptations in work-related social situations was also very difficult. (Though at one point I did watch four people eat crepes and gelato from Melt – one of my favorite places — so it can be done!)
• There were times in the afternoon (usually between 4-6 pm) where I really struggled not to eat anything, or eat anything unapproved. Once I got through the angst, I was fine, but there was generally a period of some struggle (mental and physical) around this time for me.
• And the big one: how do I transition back into “normal life” in a way that I can retain all the benefits of doing this program, yet do more of the things I typically do? (especially when the upcoming week is already filled with at least three nights eating out, a whirlwind of work meetings, an outing, and prepping for a weekend trip!?)

Summary

Overall, I think there are aspects of this program that I definitely want to keep as part of my life going forward:

• Connecting with my husband over cooking, eating, talking, meditating, or massages would be nice to make time for and do every so often.
• Having at least a day every week with nothing planned after work would be lovely. (I tried this once before, and it did help. Just need to be better about doing it again!)
• Appreciating and being mindful with five breaths before every meal, and enjoying the nourishment the food provides, is something I hope to continue doing. I also hope to reduce my intake of fake sugars and processed foods wherever possible.
• I will definitely continue to make and drink the tea!
• The next time I’m hungry, I won’t automatically eat a ton. I know that the mental and physical discomfort can pass without needing to scarf down anything in sight.
• And, now I know it is possible for me to control my parents’ voice that used to run rampant in my head. I can do it sooner than I thought, if I pay attention. I’m pretty confident that the more I can do this, the more they will ultimately go away, and I will become the person I really want to be!

Since early 2010, I had thought about getting a tattoo. I frequently said this to friends, followed by “but I don’t know what, and I don’t know where”. Obviously, these decisions—along with finding a great place and person to actually do the tattoo—prevented me from taking any action.

I was with my husband in Toronto in March 2010, and during one of our adventures we passed a closed tattoo shop. We looked over the photos of tattoos hanging on the windows, and I found an artist with a style that I liked.  By this time I’d also started toying with concepts for what the tattoo would be. When home, I emailed the tattoo shop and got a very nice response. Unfortunately, the thought of trying to get the artwork right entirely by email, then flying to Toronto to get it done (and home after!) wasn’t super appealing.

I decided instead that I could try to get someone to sketch out my concept, and then walk into a place in Cambridge that had been recommended to me by a colleague.  I feel like I’m not artistically inclined, and since I was trying to merge two of my passions into one piece, it might be useful if I could get a sketch of if done. One night at a dance, I asked an artist friend if she could help, and she kindly referred me to another person who did something more like the artwork I was looking for. I got in touch with her, and then her daughter (who she suggested), and various conversations and email iterations of the art ensued. But it never quite gelled the way I was looking for, and although I wasn’t in any rush, the time between seeing versions was lengthy and went on without improvement for a few months. I considered whether this blending of two concepts was too complicated an idea for a tattoo, and longed to be able to express myself better visually!

I had all but given up on the idea when I asked another dance friend at an event that April 2011 where she had gotten hers done. She recommended Juli Moon Studios in Lynn MA. I decided to send them an email and see what would happen. Pat, their receptionist, responded promptly and we started talking. Since one of the things I wanted to capture in the tattoo was my love of West Coast Swing dancing, I sent various photos and YouTube videos. The response was amazing. Pat would often talk about her and Juli (the owner and potential artist) watching the videos and really being blown away by this style of dance. I felt like they understood me and so I scheduled a visit.

The place was what I expected and not what I expected. Inside almost everyone is tattooed from head to toe, and there are all kinds of fairy-like, Gothic artistry and trinkets on the walls. I particularly loved a painting of Buddha above the sofa—the rest of the room contained scattered black plastic spiders, fairy-looking masks and photos, skeletons with wings, etc. More importantly though, the shop was on the second floor on the back side of a professional building, with adequate parking, and everything was clean and neat. During the consultation, Juli took me into the room where she does tattoos, and talked with me for about a half hour about what I wanted. I was able to look through a few of her sample books, she patiently answered all my questions, and even showed me the individually wrapped needles that were used. This whole time, soft music played in the background. Plus, Juli and Pat made me rethink my planned tattoo location—I didn’t really care whether people thought of it as a “tramp stamp”, but I did want to hide the tattoo if I wanted to. They pointed out, however, that on my back I’d never see it, and that got me thinking about other options.

When I returned home that day, I decided to make an appointment. This required a deposit for Juli to generate the artwork, which I thought was completely fair. I can’t imagine how many people probably say they want to get a tattoo and then back out for whatever reason. However, I was a little nervous because I would not actually get to see the artwork until the day of my appointment. Pat reassured me that Juli would be happy to make any adjustments if it wasn’t right, and that if it were completely wrong, I could rebook the appointment. I never felt pressured to get something done that I wouldn’t be totally happy with.

After making the appointment, the big day came pretty quickly: July 16 11am.  I did all I could to prepare, so the experience would be as pleasant as possible. Here are some things I was told and/or read about that might be useful to anyone about to get their first tattoo:

• Go to Whole Foods and get some arnica montana, in the strongest dose you can find.  (This is a homeopathic remedy for bruising, which you most certainly will be.) Take it as directed the day before you get your tattoo, and then for as long as you feel you need after. (I used mine up after a few days.)
• 48 hours before your appointment, do not drink any alcohol or take any medications like ibuprofen or aspirin. I also avoided caffeine the night before and day of, though I’m didn’t specifically read anything on this point. (It just seemed like a good idea.)
• Eat well before you go in, and make sure you’d still comfortably full when the procedure begins.
• Be sure to shower and be clean when you go in: no perfumes, lotions, etc.
• Wear comfortable clothes that allow the tattoo artist to easily get to the area.

Here are some other things I took with me to the actual appointment:

• Snacks and waters
• My iPhone and headphones
• A super helpful meditation app (on my iPhone) called Simply Being
• Socks and a hoodie (in case the room was cold—I didn’t wish Juli to be trying to tattoo over goosebumps!)
• Someone to go with you who could drive, be supportive and otherwise helpful
• A magazine to have that your helpful someone could read to you if you ran out of things to chat about

When I got there I was asked to sign a waiver (of course), and got to see the artwork. It was a good try, but more along the lines of what my dancer friend’s daughter had done—and therefore not quite what I wanted. Juli was kind about it and talked to me about what to change, then said I should have a seat and she’d work on it. After a few minutes, I grabbed one of the portfolios to look at, and found something that was similar to what I was trying to convey.  I joined her in the “Employees only” room and for the next hour and a half, we collaborated to come up with the design I really wanted. Juli was completely patient, working to get the forms anatomically correct while listening to what I wanted. We played with the sizing and the colors (using colored pencils and some books for inspiration).  Around 12:45pm, we really had something!

When I asked whether I should eat (meaning, whether I should eat one of my snacks), Juli suggested we go to the new Chinese place next door and get some lunch. We could return in 1/2 hour for the actual tattooing. So, we went to eat, and at 1:15pm the appointment resumed. Juli asked me to get comfortable on the table while she created the stencil, and when she returned to the room, she was very exact about putting it on correctly. Kind of like the prototyping I do on paper for work, she told me that now was the time to change things if it wasn’t right. We looked at the stencil on me close up, then far away, then in a mirror, but it was perfect, and no adjustments needed to be made.

And now for the scary part…Juli cleaned the area, and started to tell me about the different needles she was going to use. We joked about how much of the needle was actually going to go in (i.e. she wasn’t going to impale me!), and I watched her prepare three different tools. She pulled out some colors and told me some of the names that all had a Japanese flavor to them (e.g. Wasabi green). Then the moment came. Juli told me she would do the first dot to start. When she did, I was actually kind of surprised, because the pain wasn’t what I had expected—i.e., I didn’t feel much. (She had previously told me that the first and last 10 minutes were the most painful, with a lull in between due to the adrenaline.) However, over time, the pain increased in intensity. I remember asking everyone what it felt like ahead of time, with responses ranging from “it feels good” to “it felt like childbirth”, but here’s what I think: it felt like when you skinned your knee as a child. Not a deep cut, but a scrape that burns. And the longer it goes, the more mental gymnastics you have to do to get through it. Here are some techniques I tried to use to keep still and calm:

• Chatting with Juli and my husband about all manner of things, including living in Germany and traveling
• Deep breathing, tuned somewhat to the rhythm of her working (e.g. breathe in when she stopped, breathe slowly out when she worked)
• Closing my eyes (most of the time I was like this, so I could focus on breathing)
• Following any floating shapes that form in front of you when your eyes are closed yet there is light in the room
• Repeating a mantra
• Focusing on relaxing parts of my body I felt getting tense, including my hand that was being held by my husband
• Focusing on various parts of the music that was being played (e.g. visualizing the singer on stage, hearing the string section, etc.)
• Using my meditation app (very helpful near the end)!
• Trying not to wonder “how far along is it?” or “am I done yet?” (i.e. thinking instead, “I’m done when I’m done.”)

I didn’t find that the first or last 10 minutes were the worst, actually. After being on the table for 1 1/2 hours, I was parched, but trying not to drink too much water so I wouldn’t have to go to the bathroom. But, truth was I needed a break, and luckily Juli’s room is very near the rest room, so I did get up for about 5 minutes.  When I got back on the table I was totally ready to go for part 2 (I was pretty much at the halfway point.) Part 2 was tricky though. I felt myself being relaxed in waves, and then voices in my head asking “are we done yet?” Juli said I’d reach a point where I wanted her to “get that thing away from me,” but that wasn’t really an issue. In fact, the actual tattooing didn’t hurt as much as the wiping, even though Juli was kind enough to use warm water to do it. After about 2 1/2 hours, the procedure was done, and I got to see the tattoo in the mirror for the first time. It was very exciting!

After several rounds of photos, Juli put a very slimy gel over the area, and then lightly bandaged it. She also reiterated some of the things that were stated in the “after care” sheet—e.g. keep the bandage on for 2-24 hours after, clean gently with mild soap/water after that, and use some Aveeno-type lotion twice a day or so to keep the area moist (but not sopping wet). Use old towels/sheets because some of the color might come off, it would likely scab like a sunburn and flake off some color, etc.

Juli was very encouraging all throughout, and I choose to believe that all my prepping and techniques above won me her “stillness award”. (Her prior experience with yoga instructors, in particular, were of them scissoring their legs while she was trying to apply permanent eyeliner!) What’s even more interesting was that my body refused to give up even a single drop of blood throughout the whole procedure. Juli said she wouldn’t be surprised if my scabbing happened within 48 hours, which I took to be sooner than the average person. (Finally, I heal from something quicker than normal people!?) She also told me—after the fact—that the area I selected is usually one of the more painful. (Thanks Juli!)

When I got home, the area was tender (the tattoo ended up on my right lower abs, near my hip bone). I found that various motions like bending, reaching, walking, and even some ways of sitting were sore. (To sit down without pain I basically had to ease into it like a very pregnant woman. LOL!) However, after a few hours, I found that to bend over I could use my yoga techniques to do it by kicking my right leg up in the air while balancing on my left foot, and walking didn’t hurt as much. I also slept a bit (on my back), since around dinner time I got really tired. (I also happened to be recovering from nasty summer cold. Note: occasional coughing and sneezing are ouchy!) When I got back up around 9 pm things felt a lot better. I decided to go to sleep with the bandage on, and take it off / clean up in the morning.

The next morning I took of the tape and the bandage, and was pleased to find that I still thought the tattoo was beautiful. (No regrets!) I wet a soft washcloth and put some gentle soap on it, then patted the area, rinsed and patted the area, dried it, and put on a little Aveeno. When I did this, some minor bits of color came off on the cloth, but I told myself this was normal and not to panic. Doing this also made the area a little sensitive again, but that’s to be expected I guess. All week at work, I wore clothes with soft waistbands or dresses without any, which is also helpful for the area where I got my tattoo. I keep hearing also that I’ll be itchy, and although it has occasionally happened, it’s certainly nothing major.

I’m on day 7 as I update this blog post, and I’m yet to peel, which is apparently the end of the first healing cycle. I’m going a little crazy not being able to workout, run, do yoga, and dance (excessive sweat can also pull some color out, according to Juli, who was also nice enough to promptly answer this question via email!), but the time will come.

Note: This photo was taken right after it was done, and you can still see some of the stencil through the top.

Since I started the ChaLEAN Extreme exercise program in December of last year, I’ve been on a quest to find the best protein bars (and shakes) for me. In this blog, I’m finally putting into writing what I’ve discovered.

First, a few caveats

• The ChaLEAN Extreme program advises that protein bars should be under 300 calories and have 20+ grams of protein.
• I’m hypoglycemic, which makes me sensitive to (and not really wild about) sugar and sweetness. That said, I love chocolate (though the darker kinds with less ingredients, such as Green & Black’s 70% Dark).
• I’ll happily pay more for what I think is a better product.
• I’m not into running around to various stores during the same shopping trip, nor am I keen on lots of prep time.
• I do not use any of these as meal replacements, but rather as high protein, low calorie snacks in the mornings and afternoons.

The adventure begins

Once I hit the Push phase of ChaLEAN Extreme,  I was excited because I thought that I could resume eating one of my regular snacks: Zone Perfect chocolate mint bars. Unfortunately, when I read the nutritional information on the box, I learned these bars didn’t cut it! I had always thought Zone was high in protein (and compared to lots of bars, they are). While the calorie count was good, they didn’t meet the criteria for protein, and I wanted to follow the ChaLEAN program correctly. I remember going to various stores—Whole Foods, Hannafords, Roche Bros, and Stop and Shop—and looking at so many bars I thought my head would spin. I was really surprised at how difficult it was to find something that met this criteria.

In the interest of time, I decided to suck it up and just try the P90x Peak Performance Protein bars that were recommended by BeachBody. I ordered the variety pack, figuring that I could try all four flavors and go from there. I was pleasantly surprised with these bars. The two chocolate (fudge and peanut butter) flavors are good, and I loved the Cafe Mocha. Wildberry Yogurt was a little sweeter than I prefer, but still tasty.  These bars are also a decent size, so you feel like you are actually eating something substantial. The downside, of course, is having to order them online instead of being able to pick them up in a store.  This means that you need to order them before you run out, and you pay additional for shipping. (That said, I’ve never had an issue with promptness.)

Finding more options

One day, I was in Whole Foods looking at bars, and I happened upon the Think Thin brand. They were on sale and met my criteria, so I grabbed a few flavors that sounded good. And, they were! However…these bars are smaller than the p90x, so they don’t feel *quite* as substantial, and I’d describe them as a little more desserty than the P90x ones. Additionally, you have to be careful, because not all of the flavors actually have the 20g of protein!

Feeling like there were more options to be explored, I found myself in Target, grabbing some one-off bars that met the protein / calorie criteria, just to try them. These included Clif Builder’s bars (in Chocolate Mint and Lemon flavors) and Pure Protein bars (in Chocolate Deluxe flavor). Again, I was pleasantly surprised by both. Perhaps just by rumor, I’d always imagined that these things would taste awful. (Who knows though, maybe they’ve improved over the years, or I have dull, patient taste buds!) Apart from feeling like I might be turning into a muscle man, both flavors of the Clif Builder’s were good—and I hadn’t really expected to like the Lemon. The Clif Builder’s are about as big as the p90x, so you feel like you’ve actually eaten something with these too. I’d also say they have a better consistency than the p90x, because they’re a little bit crunchier and not quite as dense. The Pure Protein bars are smaller than the Think Thin ones, and (at least for the two flavors I’ve tried—Chocolate Deluxe and Chewy Chocolate Chip—are…well, chewier…sometimes to the point that you feel like you’re eating a rich brownie. (Of course, that might sound good or bad, depending on how you feel about brownies. )

Protein bar summary: the  “winner” depends on what you’re craving

Here’s my summary of the protein bars I’ve tried and described above. Let me know what you think of these, or if there’s a good bar that I missed!

Brand	Availability	Size	Taste	Cautions
P90x Peak Performance Protein bars	Online only, come in a case.	Large, substantial.	All chocolate-based flavors are good—not too soft or too hard; good for a snack that’s not too desserty.	There’s an autoship option you can choose to get more bars every 30 days. Careful to choose it intentionally!
Think Thin bars	Spotted at Whole Foods and Hannafords, generally sold as singles. Also online.	Small, though not much less in terms of calories than the p90x bars.	Chocolate-based flavors are soft and creamy; better for feeling like you ate a little dessert.	Read the labels–not all flavors have 20g of protein.
Clif Builder’s bars	Spotted at Target and most of the grocery stores I mentioned. You can buy them by the box, and sometimes as singles. Also online.	Large, substantial.	I’ve enjoyed all the flavors I’ve tried. These aren’t as hard or dense as the p90x bars, and not as soft or chewy as the Think Thin or Pure Protein bars. In fact, I prefer their consistency to all the others.	Make sure you look for the “Builder” version, since the regular version doesn’t have as high a protein content. These were also the most addictive of the bunch for me–careful not to eat too many, or you’ll defeat the purpose. See Final Notes below for help.
Pure Protein bars	Spotted at Target and many of the grocery stores I mentioned. Only seen as a box. Also online.	Smallest of the bars I’ve tried, though eating them takes more chewing so may feel more substantial than they look!	The most desserty of the bunch, but for 180 calories, these also have the best protein-to-calorie ratio!	After trying Chocolate Deluxe, I was surprised that the calorie count for Chewy Chocolate Chip was different (though 200 isn’t a big difference), and it was almost too chewy and sweet for my tastes. Unfortunately, you may have to try a whole box to figure that out.

So what about the shakes?

I started with the Rainbow Light Chocolate Protein Energizer shake one day when I saw it at Roche Bros. The instant I tried this shake, I did *not* like the taste at all. But, I can be persistent, and I liked that it had spirulina in it (which is supposed to help with hypoglycemia), so I kept it up. I’ll go so far as to say I got used to the taste, though I never really liked it. Changing out the type of milk didn’t seem to do much for it either.

Soon after, my BeachBody coach mentioned Shakeology in passing, when I emailed her to say I was STARVING between the Burn and Push phases, and needed something else to snack on. I wasn’t thrilled with trying another shake, but decided what the heck. Instead of ordering samples, I immediately ordered a big ol’ bag of the Chocolate flavor, because after the Rainbow Light stuff, I figured it couldn’t possibly be worse. I was pleasantly surprised when I first tried it—first with no fixings, just pure water. (I’m not really a milk person, so I was happy it didn’t require me to drink the stuff, which also added calories.) In its natural state, this shake reminded me of going to a smoothie bar and getting a nice, refreshing, tasty dessert. It totally filled me up! What’s even more fun is that they enclose a little calendar of add-ons that you can use to customize the shake. I started by trying the simplest things: e.g. a teaspoon of vanilla extract (because I already had it in the cabinet); a teaspoon of mint (oh, way way too much, but some adjustment made this yummy too); bananas, berries, even coffee. I haven’t been disappointed with a single recipe! Plus, they include non-drinkable dessert recipes you can make with Shakeology too. (Haven’t tried these, partially because I didn’t want to *waste* the shake mix on that!) I need to try the Greenberry flavor next.

While at Hannafords one day, I happened upon a bottle of Muscle Milk Light, and decided to try it. Much like a Carnation instant breakfast in taste, this little chocolate milk-like shake did the trick. A nice alternative to Shakeology when you want something pre-made, although it doesn’t have all the fancy herbal stuff in it.

Protein shake summary: clear winner in my book

Here’s my summary of the shakes I’ve tried and described above. Let me know what you think of these, or if there’s a good shake that I missed!

Two final notes

Like all yummy things, I found myself getting somewhat addicted to some of the protein bars, so now when I use them for a morning or afternoon snack, I actually cut them in half, then put the halves in two different plastic baggies along with five almonds each. This gives me a really portable snack that’s a mix of chocolate and nuts together, in a nice single size portion. I find that because they’re bigger, the p90x and Clif Builder bars work best for this. (People at work have actually commented on my bars looking really delicious!)

Second, I found it somewhat difficult to make shakes anywhere other than home, where I have a nice smoothy-making blender. After trying the silly shaker bottles and finding them less than adequate (unless in a real pinch), I found this lovely little Hamilton Beach Single Serve Blender at Target (though lots of other places sell them). It’s under $20, is crazy quiet and very portable. Another nice thing is that the top turns into the glass you drink the shake out of! It’s also very easy to clean. Downsides? With 8oz water, some ice, and a scoop of something like Shakeology, it gets full quickly—leaving little room for something else, like a banana. And if you run it too long, mine starts to smell bad. But, I would totally buy it again, because with Shakeology being good enough plain, it more than suits my needs.

Right now (because you know, things change!), here are my favorite songs to dance to (in no particular order, just because I can’t choose!):

• Back It Up (Caro Emerald)
• Ain’t Leavin’ Without You (Jaheim)
• No Diggity (Oli Brown)
• Turn Around (5, 4, 3, 2, 1) (Flo Rida)
• If I Was You (OMG) (Far East Movement feat. Snoop Dogg)
• Hey Baby (Drop it to the Floor) (Pitbull)
• On Fire (JJ Grey and Mofro)
• Back Seat (New Boyz feat. The Cataracs & Dev)
• Give Me the Night (Quincy Jones feat. Jamie Foxx)
• Stereo Love (Edward Maya & Vika Jigulina)

As some of you know, I’ve been trying to be better about my food quality and quantity as of late. And, since I happened to be reviewing progress on my 2011 personal goals this morning, I thought I would share something I made up as a strategy for savoring my food more while eating less.

Try exercise #1, or exercise #2 — or both at the same time. For what it’s worth, I just did both of these with a Shrimp Fra Diavolo recipe (1c whole wheat pasta, 12 large shrimp, organic pasta sauce, and 1c broccoli).

Exercise #1: Focus on chewing your food.

1. Sit down with a healthy meal, of the right portion sizes. Turn off any TVs, and leave any mobile devices or reading materials off the table. Do not drink while eating.
2. Count as you chew your food. You don’t have to go to 100 with each bite (as some would say, because that could be gross). Count until it makes sense to swallow. (Counting can help prevent your mind from wandering.)

Notice:

• How easily you stop counting.
• How other things try to come into your mind.
• How quickly you want to swallow.
• How quickly you want to put more on your fork, or into your mouth (before you’re really ready).
• How you feel about yourself and your food while doing this exercise.

Exercise #2: Focus your *full* attention on your plate.

1. Sit down with a healthy meal, of the right portion sizes. Turn off any TVs, and leave any mobile devices or reading materials off the table. Do not drink while eating.
2. Look at your food before you take the first bite.
3. Watch how you put food on your fork, or how you use your knife or spoon. Observe how the food moves on the plate as you interact with it. If you take a bite of something big (so half remains on your fork afterward), look at that too.  Each time you find yourself looking away, bring your attention down to your plate again.
4. When you are finished, sit and look at your empty plate for one full minute.

Notice:

• Just how much food there is on your plate when you start! (Although “right” portion sizes are often viewed as “small”, really looking at your food could make you realize otherwise.)
• How much you want to look around, at anything but your food. (For me it was at the cat, out the window, etc.)
• How difficult it is to sit still, and not immediately get up and try and do something else.
• How you feel about yourself and your food while doing this exercise.

One other observation: I find that I worry that I don’t usually have the time to do this (e.g. at work, in between meetings). But, what was interesting was that the whole thing took me almost exactly 15 minutes. How could you go wrong here? I feel content, and just full enough.

Please let me know if you’ve tried these exercises, or other ones that might be useful!

Happy (and mindful) eating,

Jen

This Sunday marks the 2 month mark since my LASIK surgery, and I’m happy to report that things seem to have finally settled down.

After my last visit to Dr. K. (which I made because I felt like I wasn’t seeing as well as I had sooner after the surgery), he advised me that my vision was “corrected” just fine, but that the surface cells weren’t doing so great. Rather than give me a prescription for Restasis right away, he  advised me to use the Refresh pm ointment (a “little”) throughout the day. (The “little” part is a joke to me — it’s hard to not have even a little ointment blur your vision! LOL.) Anyway, I was grateful for not having to deal with another, potentially problematic prescription, as well as for the time Dr. K. spent with me to talk about this.

Dr. K. also showed me that I could indeed send in the documentation they gave me to the department of motor vehicles, which states that I can drive without glasses/contacts. On the chart, he showed me the lowest lines I needed to be able to read during the day and at night, and so I felt better about that. (Though I still haven’t sent it in, I do carry the card version in my wallet.)

Overall, I’m using the Refresh pm now about 2-4 times a day, and the Refresh tears only in the morning. I am noticing a significant difference in how my eyes feel as a result, and I do feel like I’m seeing clearly again now. My left eye is sometimes slightly weaker than my right, and sometimes vice versa, so I think things are still changing, but it’s all for the better.

I’m also much less sensitive to light than I was earlier on, and I’m looking forward to the halos around lights at night starting to disappear. (I’m told this happens between 2-3 months).

I’m also pleased that Dr. K and his staff seem to have taken the feedback I put on my survey response into account: I had stated that I often felt rushed out of there, and the last visit was anything but!

For all of you who have asked how my eyes are doing, and have followed my experience,  thank you! And yes, I would say now, as I’m nearing the home stretch, that I would absolutely have done it again. Being able to see without worrying about glasses/contacts is amazing!

Some of my close friends and co-workers are aware that since the end of December, I’ve been trying to get more toned by doing the ChaLEAN Extreme workout program. In this blog post I’ll let the world know how it’s going.

Now, those who don’t know me should know that I’m not big (either width-wise or height-wise) and generally healthy to begin with, which would make it understandable that the typical reaction to me doing this is an eye roll, followed by some variant of the “what on earth for?” question. Although I’m small, just like everyone else I’ve gained some pounds over the years, and there are a few areas of my body that I’m just not happy with. (My job at a software company, where I sit at my desk or in meetings all day, doesn’t help.) Weight isn’t super important to me; toning up is. My goal, really, is to see a photo of myself during the summer that I’m pleased with — I hate how my arms and legs look flabby in photographs.

So, back in December I decided this was a New Year’s resolution of sorts. I purchased the program and received it the last weeks of 2010.  I also had received and was working with my FitBit since September or so — that’s another story altogether. Anyway, I started ChaLEAN in December to get a jump on 2011.

The way the ChaLEAN program works is sort of like Atkins. There are three phases, one per month, called Burn, Push, and Lean. Like P90x, you’re supposed to check for and see improvements every 30 days, and you change your workouts / increase your food intake with each phase as well. I originally considered P90x, but I decided against it for two reasons: I didn’t want to have to buy and install a pull up bar in my workout room, and I couldn’t see a big muscly man motivating me all that much. I ordered ChaLEAN completely on a whim (i.e. never having done her workouts or having heard of her before).

I am very happy with her. First off, she’s not annoying. In retrospect I didn’t really think about this, but you know how it is. You take a yoga or workout class with someone, and they say something during it — usually over and over and over — until it gets under your skin. What they’re saying doesn’t resonate with you, and in fact, it gets in your way. But Chalene Johnson is a perfect mix — she has a kick-you-in-the-butt, motivating way about her, but one that is kind and understanding at the same time.

I started off December (and did most of January) in the Burn phase. In this phase you do strength training 3x a week, cardio 2x, and have 2 days off. The strength training I instantly loved — it wasn’t boring like doing nautilus machines at the gym. And since the idea is that you do low reps and high weights, you are done in about 30 minutes. (This was particularly weird for me. I felt like I hadn’t worked out if I didn’t do an hour!) The cardio however, really drove me nuts. I generally like cardio, but this stuff is hard! On one DVD, it’s about 30 minutes of high intensity exercises (a set of 5, a rest, and then a set of 6) — and then you do a yoga-like stretching segment for about 20 minutes. The other cardio I don’t hate as much — it’s a little over a minute of high intensity cardio followed by light weights to recover (alternating for about 45 minutes). And then 10 minutes for abs. (And for everyone who thinks I have great, strong abs, think again! I still can’t do the basic ab workout, even after 2+ months!) There’s also a bonus “Fat Blaster” workout, which I totally love! (She has a whole separate program around this too.) This is 4 sets of dance-like cardio, which alternates between low intensity (learning the routine) and high intensity (doing the routine). It’s less than 30 minutes and also has some nice Tai Chi at the end. I tend to do this one (or yoga) on my “days off”. Yeah, I’m not too good with days off.

In the Burn phase, you are supposed to “fail” lifting your weights after 10-12 reps. In the Push phase, 6-8 reps. You track your weight and how many reps you do each time. (I ended up creating a spreadsheet, which helps a lot.) It is amazing to me how much I can lift now. And, that I am still probably not lifting heavy enough. But I had three issues with lifting heavy: 1) I didn’t have anything heavier than 10 pounds until about a week ago, when I ended up purchasing the BowFlex SelectTech weights she uses in the videos (thank you stakeholder bonus!). 2) I had LASIK done in January and had to take a week off from my workouts. 3) I have a recurring injury in my left shoulder that can stop me dead in my tracks if I’m not careful.

Anyway, at the end of the Burn phase I was ravenous. I knew I had kicked up my metabolism, and the scale / measurements I took after 30 days proved me right. I was very happy with my progress (with the exception of the photos, in which I didn’t see any noticeable change). Numbers aside, I also had evidence that the program was doing good things for me: I felt stronger and more balanced (e.g. in yoga, in dancing, etc.).

Now food, I have always had issues with.  I remember being a kid, eating ridiculously slowly and chewing every bite (specifically in first grade), and having teachers and my parents practically yelling at me to eat faster. So I learned to do that. These days, with multitasking and frequent double-bookings for lunch time meetings, it is a luxury if I don’t end up scarfing down my food. And a few years ago, I got into another bad food habit. After lunch (or early in the afternoon if I could wait that long), I had some chocolate, or anything sweet. Soon it became this crazy craving — I *had* to have dark chocolate after lunch. And it didn’t matter what I ate before that, or how much water I drank. My low point was feeling like I wanted to literally *lick* the chocolate coating off one of my Zone bars because I had nothing else. I couldn’t stop! I did this with Fiber One bars (they have chocolate chips), with choxie from Target, anything I could get my hands on. And I didn’t just eat a little; I totally binged and then felt awful later. What I hated about this is that I felt completely out of control. My body was totally controlling me — rather than the other way around. What was that about!?

At first the ChaLEAN program didn’t help with this. Sure, I now had healthy recipes for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and 2 snacks a day (although I ate reasonably healthy before). I still craved the chocolate! After about 1 1/2 months, I discovered a DVD I hadn’t watched in my set: Extreme Motivation. I put it in, only to discover it was an audio disk. On it, Chalene talks to you about all the different ways you’re sabotaging yourself, and gives you great advice about how to deal with things just like this. I’m not perfect about it, but I am getting better. (Last week, Kevin and I bought some Dove Dark Chocolate fun size to store in his office for emergencies, and I haven’t yet asked for one.) And by the way — very few bars (including Zone) have the high protein and low calorie content Chalene recommends. I have tried the P90x bars — they’re good, but expensive and barely fit in the calorie max. Whole Foods has “Think Thin” bars, which are now 4/$5 and have 70 less calories. Plus, they’re tastier!

I should also mention that most of the food on this program is easy to make. That’s a HUGE requirement for me. If something takes longer than 1/2 hour, I’m not likely to make it. Of course, I usually do this all at once, typically on Sunday. I pick out my food for the week, shop, and make it all up. I put it into little baggies or Tupperware in the serving sizes I need, so I can pack my food up for each day and not have to worry about it. Some things aren’t as portable, but most of it is. E.g.: this coming week here is my lunch:

• 3 oz tuna and 3 oz salmon sashimi
  (I would recommend getting a food scale — it’s so helpful!)
• 1 cup lettuce
• 1 tbsp sesame ginger dressing
• 1/2 cup edamame
• 1 tbsp soy sauce

What’s funny is, when you put the food on the plate it looks like SO much! I know that doesn’t sound like a lot, but try eating it! Naturally, it’s a high protein diet with lots of fruits and vegetables. But also lots of light, whole wheat things, and more cheeses and dressings than I would ever do before. I like how she combines the foods makes me feel good — when I stay on the program: no hypoglycemic reactions, and I feel full. And each time I have gone “off” the program (mostly to eat out, even with following her smart rules for eating out — which is OK), I feel less satisfied afterward. It’s as if even if I eat healthy, the nutritional content isn’t there or something. It definitely makes me want to eat out less. And it makes me what the heck is really in the food people are making for me!

Let’s see what else can I tell you? I just did my 2 month check in. What’s difficult about this is taking measurements and photos consistently. My first check in (after 30 days) showed good results. My second check in (after 60 days) not so much. Although she tells you where to measure, obviously pulling the tape measure at the same tightness (or rather, the person doing it for you) is hard. I’m trying not to be discouraged that I’m “worse off” than after the 30 days, but still improved from the baseline. I think the photos might be better (particularly in my arms and shoulders), but I haven’t compared yet. And I feel even stronger than I did before — even the cardio DVD that I hate are getting less distasteful, as I can get through them easier. And, I figured out something else about the food program that might help.

Chalene tells you to eat every 2 1/2 – 3 hours. Of course. Sure. I do that. Um…well actually I don’t. What I found when I actually started timing it was that the spacing between my lunch and prior was usually less than 2 1/2 hours, and the spacing after lunch was a much larger stretch. And so, voila! I’m eating lunch later, my snack later, my dinner later — and I’m not going to bed hungry and I’m not as likely to snack in the evenings either! So, you can probably say I learn something new every day about how to do this better.

Thanks to the FitBit, I’m also looking for new ways to move more during my day. For example, today Kevin and I went for a walk around the neighborhood. Every week day, I now park on the 3rd of 4th floor of the garage, far away from my building, and walk to my office instead of parking close. And I’ve tried to take more walk breaks during my days if I get 1/2 hour. It helps my body and clears my mind, helping me focus more when I get back to my desk, or be more relaxed when I get to my next meeting.

I can’t wait to see what the Lean phase brings, and how much stronger I get.  I hope that the measurements / photos will show more improvements, but I also think that because I’m small to start, the changes aren’t as dramatic and therefore harder to see. I’m also prepared to continue past the 3 month mark — i.e. staying Lean for Life (as she calls it). So maybe it will take me 6 months, maybe a year. Who knows. But I enjoy it and it has made me happier. It is part of a new morning routine that I look forward to each day.

Last Tuesday I went for a follow up visit, and was feeling a tad anxious because I haven’t been feeling as though the vision in my left eye is as good as in my right. But of course, the left eye had the corneal abrasion, which I was told takes longer to heal, yada yada. Still, I had this sinking feeling that I was going to be one of those people who had to have an enhancement procedure, and I wasn’t thrilled about the idea. (Not so much for the actual procedure, mind you, but more because of the hassles of the after care!)

Sure enough, they tested me at 20/25. Not bad, considering, but not perfect. When Dr. K. looked at me he said that there was some inflammation in the left eye, and recommended I resume the Pred Forte drops I had been taking last (once an hour for a week). “Once an hour!?” I exclaimed? I had thought he had said once every TWO hours. No, he assured me. Did I not do them?

Well, I did once every TWO hours, at least until that last day when I felt so ill from the drops I had to stop. Between the rash I got, the feeling of just being generally nauseous, and the eyelashes falling out left and right (gasp!! I already have a spot from some unknown occurrence on the other eye where they never have come back), I made the executive decision to stop those drops a few doses shy on my last day. And now I found out I was taking them less than the time I should have?

After we talked for awhile, Dr. K. advised me not to do the drops, and that my general health was more important. Of course, he also said he’d never heard of those reactions before, and that there was no other substitution I could make for these Pred Forte drops. (I love that I’m such a delicate flower!  Not.) He said we’d talk about enhancement in April. Oh no!

So I go home and the next day I’m wondering whether it was the Pred Forte drops or the Zymar drops (which I had been taking at the same time) was the cause of my reaction. How did I know which one it was? I really didn’t. Maybe I should take the drops again and find out. But oops! I threw them away. Sigh. I called and asked Samantha if it was worth trying the drops 4x a day to start, to see if I was OK with it, and then increase the dose if so. After asking Dr. K., she told me no, he said not to do the drops. Sigh again.

I decided OK then fine, what can I do? I’ll ask my friend if she knows of any herbal remedies or foods good for eyes. (Kale apparently is very good.) I went to Arlington to dance. On my third song, someone led me in one of those head-duck-under-the-arm spins, and I didn’t clear my leader’s arm. Or, shirt. Which brushed up against the side of my face, and yes….the corner of my left (bad) eye. Immediately it starts to feel picky and watery and I’m starting to panic. Kevin ran out to Walgreen’s to get me some Refresh tears to see if that would help. After trying a few vials of drops, things were a bit better but not right. I couldn’t dance like this, so I had to leave. Total bummer.

I kept my eyes closed all the way home and told myself I wasn’t going to worry about this; I was going to take care of myself, go to sleep (without eye-related nightmares!) and call the Dr.’s office in the morning. I iced the side of my face and eye, put in my Refresh pm ointment, took an Advil PM, and went to bed. The next morning I called and made an appointment to go back on Thursday morning.

Since the original follow up appointment was Tuesday afternoon, and the smackage happened Tuesday night, by the time I got to my appointment Wednesday morning, my eye was back to feeling normal. But still, I figured it would be better to check, and I could ask Dr. K. about the drops again.

I’m very glad I decided to go in, because apparently the eye has 7 layers of cells, and my left eye now has 5. Dr. K. determined this by putting some stain on what looked like a piece of paper and then touching it to my eye. He then looked at me through the special machine. He clearly wasn’t happy. OK, so now I have to use Refresh PM ointment 4 times a day, including during the day, for 3 days. (I wrote it down this time.) And then, after the scratch is healed, I can try the Pred Forte drops, of course. Really?? I’m not sure what happened in translation here, but whatever.

One side note about the office: I mentioned that they are very efficient. Which is great, when everything is fine. When it is not fine, it isn’t too fun to feel like your doctor is trying so hard to rush out of the room while you’re still trying to confirm and write down the instructions. I also wasn’t thrilled when Samantha responded to my nightly halos question with, “two to three months, remember I told you!?” Seriously, the woman told me about 500 things while I had a Valium kicking in. And even so, why make me feel like an idiot for asking again? So I forgot. So you had to repeat yourself. Big deal. What I’m seeing now is it’s not all the best for attention to patients’ feelings.

So now it’s Monday. I did my Refresh PM for 3 days and had some naturally foggy sight during that time. Saturday my right eye was really dry (my guess is from overcompensating for my left being all wacky). But yesterday I started the Pred Forte 4 times a day, and apart from the nasty taste in the back of my throat for a few minutes after I do it, no problems. My eyes both feel good — today I even felt like my vision was clearer, although my now printed out eye chart didn’t confirm that feeling! And I happened to find another type of medication that is prescribed instead of Pred Forte, so I’ll have to ask what’s up with that.

Next appointment is in April, and I’m hoping to keep all items a safe distance from my eyes until then. I’ll also have to see how comfortable I feel with upping the dose of the Pred Forte. But, I think something is better than nothing, and I’m also doing visualizations to help my mind heal my body.

For those of you considering this procedure and being scared of it, you might be going “oh my God, that’s all terrible!”. But, I will say I can see so much better than before, drive without glasses, and really, I’m so grateful to have had only these small annoying problems! They are really still nothing given the benefit of what I got. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll get to 20/20 on my own. Or maybe I’ll need the enhancement. Only time will tell. Wish me luck!